Rumor means nothing

Today's post is primarily for my daughters, who are in the midst of a heavy, heavy struggle, but perhaps there is meaning for others as well:

1) Rumor means nothing. Those who care will understand. Others don't know, and so they are scared, too. This is a graduate-level test for you, and you are doing great.

2) When others reach out, listen NOT to their words (because NO one knows what to say in a situation like this), but instead, listen to their INTENT. They desire to help, even if they don't know how. Ignore the clumsy words, and hear the love.

3) People are fragile creatures. For all our bravado, each of us is only doing our best.

Copywriter: Faith River Communications

Written By:Roberta Greene On October 1, 2005 3:45 AM

Dearest Mary, Becky, and Jesse, Having just read your words about "rumor" makes me feel compelled to tell you that after many,many years of living and experiencing difficult situations, I've learned some things that I condsider to be truths. Now before I preach unbearably, please remember that these tenets are only MY ideas, and are not right or wrong - just my observations. An example: My sister's husband has been a total invalid (as incompasitated as one can be and still be alive) for almost 17 years. The first two of those years were spent in hospitals - and at least 5 months in a total coma. By the way, coming out of a deep coma is NOT like they show you in the movies, but I digress. I stayed by my sister's side the whole time and was a source of strenth for her and her children. We learned that some close and old friends couldn't bear to be anywhere near us. They sent flowers in the beginning, and gradually faded from sight. Some friends wanted to be present at all times - not necessarily what you want, but it was their need. Some people came out of the woodwork and proved to be extremely loyal and consistent visitors and helpers. It was totally impossible to predict. My sister and I learned to accept people's behavior for what it was - in most cases the best they could do. In some cases, it was ugly, i.e. people vying for my brother-in-law's very prestigious job; "rumors" of his impending death; disparaging comments about the care we were giving him, and lots of well-meaning but unwanted advice. BUT in most cases, people just tried their best. Now, 17 years later, my sister has a "routine." A constant 24-hour aid, a schedule of activities for her husband that includes a reader that comes in every day, visits to restaurants and movies when he is up to it, a vibrant career for herself that involves travel (often overseas) with her receiving a MacCarthur Genius Award in the middle of all this; and an active life with her children and grandchildren. I tell you all this to let you know that as horrible as this time is for you, please have faith that there are very strong souls out there that love you and are pulling for you. And if some people are cruel - whether they intentionally mean it or not - I hope you can try your best to ignore it and realize that it is there way (warped, I know) of coping. You are incredible young women. The apple of your mother and father's eyes, and of those who know you like me. I want you to know that you can call me, or write to me anytime. I don't want to impose, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you, pray for you, and beg the Univerise to give you a break. Much love, and a big hug - Roberta

Written By:mary On October 1, 2005 8:06 PM

Thank you, Roberta. You are so right, and yes, we see on a daily basis the strong souls all around, including you.

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